Some Church Signs You'll Never See...

I had some fun with the church sign generator yesterday:

Is God A "Code Blue Junkie"?

The term "Code Blue Junkie" was coined in reference to Joseph Dewey Akin, a notorious nurse who intentionally injected patients with lidocaine, thereby causing the patient to go into cardiac arrest - a "code blue." According to the Atlanta Journal & Constitution, Akin was believed to have intentionally endangered patients so that he could arrive to rescue them and appear to have saved them. Unfortunately, this sick and twisted criminal behavior is showing up a lot in the media lately, and America's favorite deity looks to be the culprit.

It was a "Miracle on the Hudson", and all the newspapers said so. Shortly after takeoff, flight 1549 flew through a flock of birds, which killed the plane's engines, forcing Captain Chelsey "Sulley" Sullenberger to make an emergency landing on the Hudson river. "Everyone prayed," (except for the person who kept it together and actually flew the plane), and god came through, rescuing these people from almost certain death in the icy river.

However, this daring last minute rescue begs the question "why all the bother?" Wouldn't it have been easier, and safer for the passengers, if god didn't go through all the showboating, and had just diverted the birds in the first instance? Presumably an almighty god could in fact do so. And what of Ethiopian Airlines flight 961, which ran out of fuel after being hijacked, and was forced to land in the ocean, killing 125 people onboard? Did god just botch this one, or didn't he find the passengers' prayers sincere enough? I suppose second time is the charm!

Another recent event is the toddler that drowned in a pool, spending nearly 20 minutes underwater. Despite a very negative medical prognosis, prayer (and maybe a little medical treatment) helped her come out of her coma and make a full recovery.

This "miracle" recovery also raises serious questions: Did god make her fall into the pool? Did the all knowing god see that she would fall in the pool, but let her go anyway? Did god let her fall in the pool, and not help others hear her thrashing, so that she could stay underwater and get no oxygen for 18 minutes, thereby setting up the circumstances for the subsequent miracle? Why didn't the sick bastard just keep her out of the pool in the first place?

I used to think of god's perverted mechanisms, such as those in the book of Job, as akin to the bumbling evil of the Duke brothers, Randolf and Mortimer, in Trading Places. God bets satan $1 Job won't curse him, and and then they both proceed to make Job's life a living hell. You know, good clean fun! Now all I see is the desperate need for attention of a serial killer.